Building Reciprocal Thinking: The Secret to Stronger Leadership and Boundaries
Discover how reciprocal thinking transforms leadership and strengthens boundaries in Episode 4 of Armed with Ambition with Siobhan Cunningham and guest Ashley Ertel. Learn practical strategies for sustainable leadership, emotional resilience, and mutual respect.
Ready to lead with clarity and resilience? Download the FREE STRONGer Leadership Playbook today!
Why Boundaries Aren't Just About Saying "No"
When most people think about boundaries, they think about saying “no.”
But authentic leadership boundaries are much bigger than rejection or refusal.
They’re about building trust in leadership, protecting emotional clarity, and strengthening connections between people.
At the heart of healthy boundaries lies a powerful, underutilized concept: reciprocal thinking.
In this episode of Armed with Ambition, I explore how reciprocal thinking reshapes leadership, fuels emotional resilience, and strengthens the relationships we need to thrive. Featuring guest insights from Ashley Ertel, licensed clinical social worker and active-duty Air Force officer, this episode brings leadership back to what matters most: relationships, clarity, and purpose.
What Is Reciprocal Thinking, and Why Does It Matter?
Reciprocal thinking is more than just “you scratch my back, I scratch yours.”
It’s about assuming the best in others and intentionally building a culture of mutual respect and growth.
True leadership isn't about control—it’s about creating trust.
Relationships thrive when leaders set healthy boundaries, model generosity, and value the contributions of others.
According to a study from ASU’s W.P. Carey School of Business, reciprocity is the “gentle science of persuasion.” Influence doesn’t come from power—it comes from authenticity, respect, and service.
When we lead with reciprocal thinking:
We build trust in leadership from the ground up.
We model emotional intelligence in leadership, not just technical skills.
We create the space where others feel safe, valued, and empowered.
Ashley's Story: Leading by Fixing What’s Broken
Ashley Ertel didn’t wait for permission to lead.
When she realized women of color in rural Kentucky lacked access to culturally competent therapy, she didn’t wait for someone else to fix it—she founded The Delta Group.
She saw the gap.
She asked, “What can I do?”
She stepped forward.
This instinct to fix injustice, not just observe it, is a hallmark of purposeful leadership.
But here's the thing: when you're wired to serve, it's dangerously easy to overextend yourself.
Without setting healthy boundaries, even the strongest leaders burn out.
That’s why reciprocal thinking is essential—not just for how we treat others but also for how we protect and sustain ourselves.
The Power of Reframing "No" in Leadership
One of the most powerful moments in this episode is when Ashley reframes “no” as a challenge coin—a badge of pride, not a sign of failure.
In the military, a challenge coin represents excellence, camaraderie, and respect.
Ashley teaches us to treat every “no” not as rejection, but as a challenge accepted—an opportunity to rethink, reframe, and reinforce our leadership path.
Leadership Reflection Prompt:
When was the last time you heard “no” and took it personally?
How would it feel if you saw that “no” as an opportunity to strengthen your leadership boundaries and refine your purpose?
Learning to hear “no” differently is a hallmark of resilient leadership that can survive setbacks without losing heart.
Mom's Playbook: Saying “No” Without Breaking Trust
My mom brings up the idea that saying no with kindness is a sign of maturity, not cruelty.
Setting healthy boundaries doesn't mean cutting people off or building walls. It means being clear about your limits while honoring the dignity of others.
In our Mom’s Playbook conversation, she reminded me that the first time we set boundaries is when we’re toddlers asserting ourselves. It’s natural and necessary.
But as adults, it’s harder—because we can't control how others react.
Emotional intelligence in leadership demands that we hold space for others’ feelings without abandoning our own needs.
Real-World Example: Boundaries in Action
Recently, an employee asked if she could work from home due to an unexpected illness.
Instead of getting bogged down by policies or appearances, I responded with reciprocal thinking:
“Sure, no worries.”
Because here’s the truth:
I believe most people want to do their best work when given support.
When she said, “You’re the best boss,” it reminded me:
Good leadership isn’t about being liked—it’s about building trust in leadership through small acts of flexibility, belief, and respect.
Ready to Strengthen Your Leadership?
If today’s conversation about reciprocal thinking and setting healthy boundaries resonated with you, I invite you to explore it further.
Download your free copy of the STRONGer Playbook—a leadership reflection guide built to help you create clarity, resilience, and greater impact.
👉 Download the STRONGer Playbook here!
